livinginharmonywithbipolar

Bipolar, Depression, Suicide, Comfort eater.

Denial, denial and more denial.

on October 20, 2013

So after I was diagnosed with Bipolar. I decided to tell my family 1st, before I told my friends. I had a list of who I was going to tell. Here was my list:

Husband aka Pumpkin

He was relieved. I didnt expect that reaction. He wanted to know about medication, what he could do to help me etc. I explained to him that this didn’t mean that I was “healed”  All that it means is that we now know what we are dealing with.

My Brother Brian aka my Nectarine

He was behind me 100%. He is my best friend. I am just free with him, I don’t have to worry about him judging me. He just loves me for me.

My Mom………the uncompromising Born Again Christian

Before I could even tell her, she said “Don’t own it” its not you. The enemy is a liar, there is nothing wrong with you. I was like eh, hmmm, well I don’t know how to say th-“No! Don’t even say it”. You see my Mom is a true believer, there is no grey. It’s either Black or White. Now you can imagine how stressed my Mom had been. She had every intention to pray this evil in the form of Bipolar out of me. There was no stopping her. From the day I came out of the facility that dealt with Mental Illness. Which by the way she called it a place were I was recovering from a set back. I made a difficult decision to let my Mom come and live with us, while I was healing and re adjusting to life after the Nervous Breakdown.

I didn’t have much of a choice. It was either my “strict” Christian Mother or…….. huh….my very “strict” Traditional Mother in law. So I was in a situation where it was better “the devil you know” type of situation. So my Mum is the kind of strong Woman that believes she can pray any situation away. I admire that about her. She is a fighter, she doesn’t believe in failure. She never gives up, she has faith. Even if she stands alone she never gives up.

So the two weeks she spent with us were ehm, hmmm well. How should I put this? My Husband and I have never prayed as much and as hard as we did in those two weeks! She woke us up like regular clock work everyday at 3 am to pray. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my Mom. Really I do, but waking up at that hour while on Bipolar medication…..its a bad combination! She would pray, I would be annoyed and cry like a little girl cause all I wanted to do was to go back to bed. The more I cried the more she believed I was healing. That would encourage her to pray longer. At which point my Husband would squeeze my hand begging me stop crying cause he knew that my Mom will pray until 5 am! Her previous record was praying from 6pm until 12am (I will tell you more about that story another day) My Husband on the otherhand eventually perfected the art of sleeping while he was standing.

Eventually my Mom asked me what Bipolar was. She wanted to know how she could help. She wanted to fight it with me. I explained to her that I am not crazy or moody. I just have a colourful and very entertaining life. I told her that God simply put a little extra voom, when He made me. I made her understand that God doesn’t make mistakes. Everything He does has a plan and purpose. It was hard for her to digest the fact that I have Bipolar. I told her she did nothing wrong when she was raising me, its not her fault. For that moment I finally understood how a Gay or Lesbian felt like trying to explain to their parents and loved ones, that they never chose to be Gay or Lesbian. My Mom immediately said its not the same thing. I laughed inside causeShe is the most Amazing Mom and I thank God everyday for giving me such a strong, determined Guardian Angel. I know that other people think that my Mom isn’t open minded and is too strict. To me she is simply my Mom. I love her, even when she thinks I need divine intervention for the things I say.

She ain’t heavy, she is my Mother 🙂

Nomsa

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4 responses to “Denial, denial and more denial.

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